he told me he loved me. in the most honest, natural and unassuming way, he yanked on my heartstrings and brought tears to my eyes. “don’t you get see?? im madly in love with you.” it was effortless, as we’ve always been. it was when the pretense of reality finally struck and it dawned on him what he’d actually said, he muttered, “at least i think i am. i’m not IN love, but what i know of you, i love. and i want to know more.” the silence that ensued engulfed us and elevated us and extinguished all previous doubts. it took us to a place we’d never been before: emotionally. physically. spiritually. together. it was like every wall he’d ever built came crashing down and we were suddenly left suspended from reality. from the grounding principles that have always kept us apart and immediately exposed to a world of “what if.” neither of us were ready for it or anticipated it, but the thought lingered. it probed us to want to delve further and explore what we tentatively sidestepped for two and a half years. it forced us to see that the thousands of miles apart are now literally thousands of miles apart. to realize that the fairy tale would possibly never come to fruition. my heart ached as it hadn’t in a long, long time. i bit my tongue to stop the tears before they started - the last thing i needed was for him to see me in another moment of weakness. to give me the support, care and wisdom he always had. as my thoughts danced with the butterflies in my stomach, his voice murmured on in the background, lamenting over the could’ves, would’ves and should’ves. we talked long into the night, neither wanting the conversation to end, both hopelessly falling asleep after grueling work days. he nodded off before i did. i listened to his gentle, rhythmic breathing, smiled and hung up the phone for the last time.