MUSE →

I’ve “known” this girl since Middle School. We rarely spoke then and ultimately parted ways, only to be reunited by Facebook earlier this year. Her entries are the first things to inspire me to write in the last four years. She might be the only one who reads my Tumblr, which is totally okay with me. We don’t even speak all that much now but I can tell we’re connected through our love for stream-of-consciousness writing and romantic fantasies. If I could choose to be a better, more eloquent writer, I’d like to be Ethaney. Thanks girlfriend. xoxo

SILENCE

I say “I love you” before every departure, following every “good night”, between silences in our conversations, amidst meals and whenever I have a free moment because I want to remind you of the three little words I’ve never said to anyone else. In case this day, this event, this moment becomes my or your last, I want you and the world to know how pure my heart is for you and how strong I believe our love can be. Call it wishful thinking if you’d like but the love I have for you cultivates patience, which allows me to be the best that I can be. Not only for you, but for myself.

When you fail to say it back, my voice falters and my heart stops.

basketball aside, the written word was my first love. and music is simply a melodic translation/rendition of it, no? my friends have been amazing for thinking of me the last few and i know ill have their undying support and love no matter what. that very thought gives me peace.

SIMPLE

I’m a simple girl of simple needs. Sure, Hollyhood has had it’s bullshit influences but I need little more than a morning of dim sum and an afternoon curled up with a good book and my favorite jasmine tea to live happily ever after. I am as transparent as you want me to be. I am flexible enough, accommodating enough, easy enough to be who you need me to be. Because I am fulfilled by the simple things in life - a sunny day, clean socks, gas in my car - I have created a personality malleable enough to adhere to what it is you need so that you too can be happy.

It’s been one of those days - I want to skydive from 12,000 feet high and scream “FUCK THIS,” all the while realizing the irony that my words are lost amongst the wind. Much like this blog - an otherwise unheard voice, still desperately wishing to be recognized, to be listened to, to be appreciated.

If not by you, by who?

The emotional toll of this last week has been close to unbearable. How much longer before I snap? Before I walk away?

I’m a simple girl of simple needs. Tell me you love me. Give me room to spread my wings and fly. Indulge me in a 30minute conversation devoid of social networking and distractions. Smile for me. These are the small things that help me heal. That remind me why I fell in love in the first place.

Push, and I shall go.

“As human beings we all want to be happy and free from misery… we have learned that the key to happiness is inner peace. The greatest obstacles to inner peace are disturbing emotions such as anger, attachment, fear and suspicion, while love and compassion and a sense of universal responsibility are the sources of peace and happiness.”

— The Dalai Lama

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.”

agency life vs. corporate america

decisions, decisions. all insight highly valued.

NO ONE

A space for me to write/rant to all of 19 people. 18 of whom will never read this. 19, if I’m lucky. It’s refreshing to not speak to an audience of 3.5 million and fulfill what their perception of you is. Thank you Tumblr. Be back soon.